I forgot how it feels to be a mom. Last year was one of the most challenging years for me. I was exhausted by December and yes, very short tempered, we counted 77 shoots in total for the year, for some this might not sound like many, but working a full time job and only weekends spare for photography, it was challenging.
I only realised today how it feels to be a mom again. A free weekend to spend with the 3 girls, and it was EXHAUSTING!!! I realised how much they miss us, not one minute without a smile, or a kiss, or a “pick me up”, or “give me a hug” and that “I love you more”….my heart just melted. Tucking them into bed tonight, and that hug that lasts for minutes, and then asking for another, and then I love you again….I felt like sitting in a corner and let the tears just flow, I missed them so much, and it took me a year to realise it. It was not me that baked the rusks with them, it was not me that allowed them to make a mess in the kitchen to try a new cooking technique, it was not me that taught the little missy to ride her bike, it was not me helping them with their homework, but…..it was all about me, and nothing about them. And it feels like their is this empty space where they should have been.
Sometimes we take the acceptance of our children for granted, we just go on caught up in our own world, and we forget about their needs. This weekend was a time to breathe, to realise how much our kids needs us, and what is important. They never complain when we are away from home, and happily accept it and walk to granny with their little suitcases packed for the night. But if you stop, breathe and look into their eyes it is so clear that they are desperate for just a minute of unconditional love.
A year of time is hard to make up, but if there is only one thing on my 2012 list, it will be them.