Today and the day before yesterday – a personal note from me to you

You have taught me a lesson again today. In a few years time you will be grown up and I hope you read this post and realise how indescribably proud we are of you. How is it that you are 12, but you keep on teaching me, your mom, each and every single day how wrong I can be? This is the story from me to you.

The day before yesterday: You were sitting in the back of the car and I asked did you get your maths marks?  You said yes, but mom you not going to be happy. My blood started boiling, and I took a breath asking, how much did you get? Not good mom, was the answer. My blood boiled a bit more, and my thoughts were..”you know I have done enough, if you don’t do your part, so be it, I cannot do more” and I asked again..”How much Mckayla?”. You answered “uhhmm mom I got so much…mom check the girl on the bike”. WHAT, did you just say that percentage for maths and then try and distract me with a girl on a bike? Clever move but not for this mom.

The day before yesterday: I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, I wanted to ground you and keep you from going on the grade 6 camp, I wanted to keep you in grade 6 to do the year over, I wanted you to pay me back for every cent of maths class I spend on you. Yes, I said this all to you, you cried, I printed out the Invoice, from me to you, to refund me for your maths class and pushed it in your hands. You went to the safe while I was working downstairs, counting your savings note for note and put the maths money on my bedside table. You did not argue or speak a word, you accepted it. After taking a few breaths and counted to one million, I told you to keep your money, mom was just so angry, and I was sorry.

Today: Your aunt phoned at 9am, you were at camp, she asked me if I heard any news from the camp, and if you are one of the head leaders? My words were…”I have not heard anything, but she is too shy and quiet, she won’t be one of them”. Its 10am and I got a call from the Head master and thought, Oh my word what happened, did you break anything? I knew you should not have gone on that camp. I was so so wrong again. The Head master phoned to tell me that you are one of the 2 girls chosen for head leaders but you don’t know yet. I started crying over the phone, and put it down to tell your daddy who also had tears in his eyes. 11am the bus stopped, and you climbed out not knowing anything, then the Head master announced the 2 head leaders for the girls. Your name was called and you started crying, and oh boy when you did, so did mom and dad. The skies literally opened up and soaked us in rain.

Today: You showed us that its not about money, its not about who you know, its not about how good your marks are. You have never received a trophy in all your years in primary-school, you stood back and accepted it, you were quiet, you were shy. Every prize giving I would cry in my heart for you, I knew you were sad but you kept on smiling, saying “it’s OK”. I remember your grade 1 and grade 2 years where you sat each break on the steps eating your sandwiches alone, no friend, and you still asked me “mom, how long does a prayer take for a friend?” We told you “Dont give up praying, all good things comes to those that wait”. You still cried and said “But it’s been 2 years”. But today you received one of the biggest achievements and you did it all by yourself. You cried this time our angel, but it was not sad tears. You opened your kind heart to those around you, you comfort when someone is sad, you are kind, soft and your soul speaks thousands of words with out a single sound. You show us where the sun is when we are hiding from the rain.

Today: Words can not describe how proud we are of you, words can not describe how sorry I am that I doubted you, words can not describe how disappointed I am, in me, for what I did to you the day before yesterday, and I can’t take that away. But what I can do is promise that I will never doubt you again, you taught me a lesson for the thousands time and you did this all on your own. You won over hearts like you won our hearts 12 years ago when you were born. You may be shy and quiet but you have a heart of gold. Dad said to you today, God picked David, a shepherds boy, to be a King, well HE picked you today. Keep your head up, keep your kind heart, we will be here for you every step of the way, and no doubt again!

Love you so so much Mckayla



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